It's been two whole months. Much to my despair, I have become 100% acclimatized to Canadian life once again. I drive on the highway, diligently follow SYTYCD Canada in real-time, eat fresh vegetables, speak like a grown-up, use the term "beach" to refer to sparse patches of sand along the Great Lakes, spend 98.9% of my time reading articles comprised of words I never knew to exist - let alone have any meaning in my life, shower almost every day, and make decisions all by myself.
I sort of feel like I have everyone fooled. Somebody even decided that I was qualified enough to shape the lives and minds of wanna-be nurses in the School of Nursing.
To be completely honest, I think this is the most challenging thing I have ever done. Despite ample warning from well-meaning friends and mentors about the culture-shock of returning to "normal" life; coming home for me, was relatively smooth. But, after the hype of the transition, everything just goes back to normal. After the new beginnings, the newness wears off, and it just becomes life. After the novelty of the restaurants, stores, cities, outings, Independence, parties, and everything I craved while I didn't have it wears off, none of it seems like much of a big deal. And as it turns out, this so called normal life takes quite a bit of investment.
It is competitive. A competition of who is willing to sacrifice the most amount of personal time, social time, and sleep to get ahead. It is stressful - in a way that I had almost completely forgotten about. There is an obsession with a definition of success that I am not so sure I buy into. Everyone, it seems, has something to prove. It's harder than I anticipated.
I think it is because my heart is in Africa. I check for updates on Ali's blog almost every day. I have yet to get through one without tears in my eyes. It makes me feel like I am there, experiencing a small part of it with them. But I think, even more importantly, it helps me remember and embrace a way of thinking and a way of life that I am not willing to let go.
I don't think I could have prepared myself for this feeling. For being involved in a world that is doing everything it can to make me forget. My first encounter with almost everyone when I got home involved two questions: "How was your trip?" and "Did it change your life?" Without a doubt - "amazing", and "absolutely".
I think changing your life is one of those "much easier said than done" types of things. Because, here I am, absolutely saturated in a world of academia that is as far from the world of West Africa as you could imagine. And, as much as I want to be that person whose life was changed, it gets easier and easier every day to be the North American grad student who is pursuing a life of success and status.
Last night, I read through everything I wrote while I was there. In hindsight, it seems that I foresaw a little bit of what was to come. But I also apparently was excited....in my own words:
"This is what Africa has been for me. A realization and understanding of God in a greater way. Life lessons that have nothing to do with a geographical location. A chance to see people in a completely authentic way.
It makes going home exciting. Because, I am still me. I will take this part of me with me. And I cannot wait to see how it will be used in the rest of my world"
I was talking on the phone the other night with a friend from the ship and she had a quote that we both found particularly relevant for this unique stage that we find ourselves in: "Wherever you are, be all there".
I guess I need both: Friends who can take my heart to Africa, and friends who bring me back here. Because somewhere in the middle is that perfect balance of where I should live. Living life to the fullest, exactly where I find myself. Embracing the ways my life has been changed. Maintaining and applying the sense of purpose that should drive our lives despite circumstances. Again, obviously easier said than done. But, I feel like it is worth giving it a shot.
http://www.alirae.net/
Archive for September 2008
posted by Jenn on Africa, Nursing
Comments Off
It's been two whole months. Much to my despair, I have become 100% acclimatized to Canadian life once again. I drive on the highway, diligently follow SYTYCD Canada in real-time, eat fresh vegetables, speak like a grown-up, use the term "beach" to refer to sparse patches of sand along the Great Lakes, spend 98.9% of my time reading articles comprised of words I never knew to exist - let alone have any meaning in my life, shower almost every day, and make decisions all by myself.
I sort of feel like I have everyone fooled. Somebody even decided that I was qualified enough to shape the lives and minds of wanna-be nurses in the School of Nursing.
To be completely honest, I think this is the most challenging thing I have ever done. Despite ample warning from well-meaning friends and mentors about the culture-shock of returning to "normal" life; coming home for me, was relatively smooth. But, after the hype of the transition, everything just goes back to normal. After the new beginnings, the newness wears off, and it just becomes life. After the novelty of the restaurants, stores, cities, outings, Independence, parties, and everything I craved while I didn't have it wears off, none of it seems like much of a big deal. And as it turns out, this so called normal life takes quite a bit of investment.
It is competitive. A competition of who is willing to sacrifice the most amount of personal time, social time, and sleep to get ahead. It is stressful - in a way that I had almost completely forgotten about. There is an obsession with a definition of success that I am not so sure I buy into. Everyone, it seems, has something to prove. It's harder than I anticipated.
I think it is because my heart is in Africa. I check for updates on Ali's blog almost every day. I have yet to get through one without tears in my eyes. It makes me feel like I am there, experiencing a small part of it with them. But I think, even more importantly, it helps me remember and embrace a way of thinking and a way of life that I am not willing to let go.
I don't think I could have prepared myself for this feeling. For being involved in a world that is doing everything it can to make me forget. My first encounter with almost everyone when I got home involved two questions: "How was your trip?" and "Did it change your life?" Without a doubt - "amazing", and "absolutely".
I think changing your life is one of those "much easier said than done" types of things. Because, here I am, absolutely saturated in a world of academia that is as far from the world of West Africa as you could imagine. And, as much as I want to be that person whose life was changed, it gets easier and easier every day to be the North American grad student who is pursuing a life of success and status.
Last night, I read through everything I wrote while I was there. In hindsight, it seems that I foresaw a little bit of what was to come. But I also apparently was excited....in my own words:
"This is what Africa has been for me. A realization and understanding of God in a greater way. Life lessons that have nothing to do with a geographical location. A chance to see people in a completely authentic way.
It makes going home exciting. Because, I am still me. I will take this part of me with me. And I cannot wait to see how it will be used in the rest of my world"
I was talking on the phone the other night with a friend from the ship and she had a quote that we both found particularly relevant for this unique stage that we find ourselves in: "Wherever you are, be all there".
I guess I need both: Friends who can take my heart to Africa, and friends who bring me back here. Because somewhere in the middle is that perfect balance of where I should live. Living life to the fullest, exactly where I find myself. Embracing the ways my life has been changed. Maintaining and applying the sense of purpose that should drive our lives despite circumstances. Again, obviously easier said than done. But, I feel like it is worth giving it a shot.
http://www.alirae.net/