i want to be a nurse in africa ... or a ballerina




Archive for July 2011

Prepared


posted by Jenn

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It's happening again.

Last weekend, it all sort of clicked in my head. It's time to start getting excited again. It's time to start feeling the things again that only Africa can stir up in me. It's time to start thinking about the things that, despite having experienced before, I know I can't truly prepare for.

It's happening in my head and the excitement is quickly working it's way towards my heart. As desperately as I try to avoid romanticizing the whole thing, I can't help but find life a little bit sweeter, just knowing I get to spend the next 4 months on a floating white hospital.

I don't have my plane ticket. My apartment looks like it has been attacked by a group of college kids. I still don't know what to do with my car when I go. I work about 452hrs/week up until the day I leave. Never in my life have I felt so strikingly aware of my personal flaws & weaknesses. My to-do list is rubbish.

And yet, I have never been more ready. Because I think I finally get that we are never really "prepared" for these things, the way we think we should be. I might find the time to clean and organize my room. I might make and cross off every item on a highly structured list. I might finally take the time to figure out how to overcome the things in my life that hold me back. I might even figure out a sleep routine amidst flipping back and forth between day & night shifts and actually land on the other side of the world not already jet-lagged. The funny thing is that these things always come together.

Despite it all, I feel prepared. I think that preparation really has very little to do with lists and finances and plans. The reality is, I am ready to be used for the purpose my maker designed me for. Ready, once again, to learn and to teach, to laugh and to cry, to be challenged and broken and to fail and succeed - in a place where I know my heart beats a little bit stronger.

It's happening again.

Last weekend, it all sort of clicked in my head. It's time to start getting excited again. It's time to start feeling the things again that only Africa can stir up in me. It's time to start thinking about the things that, despite having experienced before, I know I can't truly prepare for.

It's happening in my head and the excitement is quickly working it's way towards my heart. As desperately as I try to avoid romanticizing the whole thing, I can't help but find life a little bit sweeter, just knowing I get to spend the next 4 months on a floating white hospital.

I don't have my plane ticket. My apartment looks like it has been attacked by a group of college kids. I still don't know what to do with my car when I go. I work about 452hrs/week up until the day I leave. Never in my life have I felt so strikingly aware of my personal flaws & weaknesses. My to-do list is rubbish.

And yet, I have never been more ready. Because I think I finally get that we are never really "prepared" for these things, the way we think we should be. I might find the time to clean and organize my room. I might make and cross off every item on a highly structured list. I might finally take the time to figure out how to overcome the things in my life that hold me back. I might even figure out a sleep routine amidst flipping back and forth between day & night shifts and actually land on the other side of the world not already jet-lagged. The funny thing is that these things always come together.

Despite it all, I feel prepared. I think that preparation really has very little to do with lists and finances and plans. The reality is, I am ready to be used for the purpose my maker designed me for. Ready, once again, to learn and to teach, to laugh and to cry, to be challenged and broken and to fail and succeed - in a place where I know my heart beats a little bit stronger.