Talking to friends and family from home makes me feel like me. Not that I don't feel like me on a day-to-day basis, but ship life, as I have mentioned before, is unique. There are about 400 people on board. A large crew, for the purpose we serve; however, I am surprised at how small it can seem. In regular life, you have the people you interact with on a regular basis, and than an infinite number of people out there with the potential for interaction or the development of relationship, if you so choose.
On the ship, you know exactly who you have the potential to interact or form relationships with. Not to say that this can't have advantages, and that I haven't met some absolutely fantastic people, whom I hope to maintain friendships with well after we leave this time and place in our lives; but, this situation also presents some unique challenges. I made a joke last night that I have been a very "subdued" version of myself since coming to the ship: I don't want to do anything to too irrational that would turn people off, because I only have one shot at making friends. No "fall-back" people. I can't go out and find a different crowd. Mostly I was kidding. But usually sarcasm has a some element of truth behind it.
Nobody knows anything about me here. Nobody knows my past, or my heart, or my family. Nobody knows what I was like as a child. Or the challenges and the triumphs I have experienced thus far in life. I have made a couple friends who I have consciously decided to let "into my heart". I do my best to show my true self, knowing that genuine relationships with people are important and valuable and will not only enhance my experience here, but are going to be a crucial component to it. Even given my best attempt, I know that the version of me that comes out here is a little bit different than the me that I have always been. I think that is inevitable in this environment, with its unique challenges and characteristics. Maybe this is the me that I am becoming and a version of me that is a little bit better than the one that used to be. I like that. But, I love calling home. I love talking to the people that know me. Perspective into the big picture is pretty important to maintain, and talking to home brings me back.
Last night I called my brother and sister-in-law. It was just after dinner time for them, so I knew everyone would be around. As it turned out, they were expecting 15cm of freezing rain, so I could have called pretty much anyone in Ontario, and they would have been home. Normally, I don't love talking to kids on the phone. They usually don't say anything and I find that awkward. Especially when you are calling from Africa and your phone time is limited. Jared and Aislin are different though. I would have paid a lot of money to hear their voices last night. Here is how the conversation went with Jared:
Jenn: "Hi Jared"
Jared: "Hi Aunty Jenn"
Jenn: "What are you doing Jared?"
Jared: "I am playing my drums"
* clarification: this was somewhat of an irrelevant question to ask. The only thing that Jared is ever doing is playing his drums. For anyone who doesn't know, Jared is 5 years old and has been a skilled percussionist since he was 2 and my brother Rick bought him his first set of drums. He now has two sets to choose from or can effectively create a full set from pillows, beach balls, baby strollers, lawn chairs, or whatever household items he has at his disposal. He is awesome.
Jenn: "I miss seeing you play your drums"
Jared: "Mrs. Beckett is pregnant!!!"
That was the end of the conversation. Jared's kindergarten teacher is pregnant. I am going to guess that he had just come into this very exciting piece of information for a 5-year-old's brain very recently. How overwhelmingly happy it made my heart to hear him say it. I love that he couldn't even respond to what I had said. I love that he wanted to tell me. I love that he is genuinely so excited for his teacher.
Being an aunt is important to me. I love those three kids more than I am probably even aware. I like kids as a rule, but Jared and Aislin (and potentially Breanna when she starts to talk) are just so hilarious and come up with the most random things. Like telling their aunt in Africa amidst a very-time limited conversation about drumming, that their teacher is pregnant. I remembered why I like them so much. And who I am when I am not here. Jared, with his one quirky little line, made my heart smile.
posted by Jenn
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Talking to friends and family from home makes me feel like me. Not that I don't feel like me on a day-to-day basis, but ship life, as I have mentioned before, is unique. There are about 400 people on board. A large crew, for the purpose we serve; however, I am surprised at how small it can seem. In regular life, you have the people you interact with on a regular basis, and than an infinite number of people out there with the potential for interaction or the development of relationship, if you so choose.
On the ship, you know exactly who you have the potential to interact or form relationships with. Not to say that this can't have advantages, and that I haven't met some absolutely fantastic people, whom I hope to maintain friendships with well after we leave this time and place in our lives; but, this situation also presents some unique challenges. I made a joke last night that I have been a very "subdued" version of myself since coming to the ship: I don't want to do anything to too irrational that would turn people off, because I only have one shot at making friends. No "fall-back" people. I can't go out and find a different crowd. Mostly I was kidding. But usually sarcasm has a some element of truth behind it.
Nobody knows anything about me here. Nobody knows my past, or my heart, or my family. Nobody knows what I was like as a child. Or the challenges and the triumphs I have experienced thus far in life. I have made a couple friends who I have consciously decided to let "into my heart". I do my best to show my true self, knowing that genuine relationships with people are important and valuable and will not only enhance my experience here, but are going to be a crucial component to it. Even given my best attempt, I know that the version of me that comes out here is a little bit different than the me that I have always been. I think that is inevitable in this environment, with its unique challenges and characteristics. Maybe this is the me that I am becoming and a version of me that is a little bit better than the one that used to be. I like that. But, I love calling home. I love talking to the people that know me. Perspective into the big picture is pretty important to maintain, and talking to home brings me back.
Last night I called my brother and sister-in-law. It was just after dinner time for them, so I knew everyone would be around. As it turned out, they were expecting 15cm of freezing rain, so I could have called pretty much anyone in Ontario, and they would have been home. Normally, I don't love talking to kids on the phone. They usually don't say anything and I find that awkward. Especially when you are calling from Africa and your phone time is limited. Jared and Aislin are different though. I would have paid a lot of money to hear their voices last night. Here is how the conversation went with Jared:
Jenn: "Hi Jared"
Jared: "Hi Aunty Jenn"
Jenn: "What are you doing Jared?"
Jared: "I am playing my drums"
* clarification: this was somewhat of an irrelevant question to ask. The only thing that Jared is ever doing is playing his drums. For anyone who doesn't know, Jared is 5 years old and has been a skilled percussionist since he was 2 and my brother Rick bought him his first set of drums. He now has two sets to choose from or can effectively create a full set from pillows, beach balls, baby strollers, lawn chairs, or whatever household items he has at his disposal. He is awesome.
Jenn: "I miss seeing you play your drums"
Jared: "Mrs. Beckett is pregnant!!!"
That was the end of the conversation. Jared's kindergarten teacher is pregnant. I am going to guess that he had just come into this very exciting piece of information for a 5-year-old's brain very recently. How overwhelmingly happy it made my heart to hear him say it. I love that he couldn't even respond to what I had said. I love that he wanted to tell me. I love that he is genuinely so excited for his teacher.
Being an aunt is important to me. I love those three kids more than I am probably even aware. I like kids as a rule, but Jared and Aislin (and potentially Breanna when she starts to talk) are just so hilarious and come up with the most random things. Like telling their aunt in Africa amidst a very-time limited conversation about drumming, that their teacher is pregnant. I remembered why I like them so much. And who I am when I am not here. Jared, with his one quirky little line, made my heart smile.
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