I feel like I have been thinking and talking a lot about dreams since I have been in Africa. Being here was one of my dreams. I recently found out that I got accepted to grad school for this coming September. I will be studying applied behavioural analysis for children with disabilities. When people ask me how I feel about it, all I can think is that, if I had the chance to create a dream job for myself, this would be it. For whatever reason, I have been blessed to be one of those people that gets to realize her dreams. I have always genuinely believed that “the world is at my fingertips”. I have made it my mission to make others think the same way. I like to inspire other people to dream big and realize that there are actually no limits to what they can achieve. If you have enough determination to accomplish something, there are no barriers, only obstacles. The other night, I started to question my theories. A late-night conversation made me wonder if my unfailingly optimistic attitude has less to do with the reality of the situation and more to do with my circumstances. I can’t deny that I was born into a life of privilege. Anyone reading this was. I don’t claim to be a natural genius. But, simply based on the fact that I was born in North America, I got to go to school. I had to choose to pursue higher education, but I really can’t say that there were too many real obstacles in my way. And, every time somebody told me I could be anything I wanted to be in this life, I knew that it was true. I could.
The other night, a wonderfully heart-wrenching conversation with my friend Alfred left me with a mental dilemma about whether my perspective on reaching goals is ridiculously naïve. Alfred has become a household name on the Africa Mercy. He is everyone’s favorite wannabe Ivy League Scholar, trapped in a 14-year-old’s body. About half of the time, he is a mature, well-spoken kid with a vocabulary that makes me envious. His other moody, pouty, grudge-holding, manipulative half is less desirable, but is probably what ropes us all in, makes us laugh, and awards him with the undivided attention of all his “aunties” (nurses) well into the night. He made me promise that I would come visit him on my night shift the other night after all of my patients went to bed. So, at midnight, I went to A-ward and pulled a chair up beside his bed, where he was waiting for me. Never one for small talk, we dove right into a heart-to-heart. “What job do you want to have when you are a grown man Alfred?” There was no pause. Alfred held up three fingers. “Three things I want to do:
One: Go to college.
Two: Find the medicine for AIDS.
Three: Get married.”
How absolutely appropriate. What else would he want to do with his life?
But hearing him say it touched me immensely. Partially because hearing him say it sounded so normal. Sounded like the dreams I remember having at fourteen. But there exists a very real disparity between my dreams at fourteen and his. I think that maybe on this side of the world, the world really isn’t at your fingertips. Or maybe God just has to work an even bigger miracle in order for a 14-year-old’s dreams to come true. I truly hope that Alfred’s dreams come true. It would be amazing if he could contribute somehow to finding a cure for AIDS. As I dug a little deeper, I learned that his passion started when he was a young child and he came into contact with his first person with AIDS. “It pained my heart and I wanted to find the medicine to help him”.
The reality that most likely, Alfred (or at least the entire nation of children that Alfred represents) will not get to realize his dreams is devastating to me. Hearing him pour out his uncensored heart made it impossible to ignore that he is not just one of masses. He is not different than me or less deserving of a purposeful future. He is a unique individual with unique dreams that just happened to be born in Liberia. I want him to be able to bring into reality the life that he has planned for himself. I wanted to be able to wholeheartedly encourage him that determination and commitment alone would be enough to allow him to make it happen for himself. Until this moment in my life, I would have unreservedly spewed out to him my naïve sense of assurance that one can make whatever one wants happen. I couldn’t do it with Alfred. I couldn’t lie to him. I told him I hoped so. I told him that he had an excellent goal. I told him that if he allows God to be his strength then God will help him accomplish amazing things.
I guess that is all any of us can dream for our lives. Wherever you are born, there is no guarantee that the specifics you desire will come into realization. Details change. There are worldly limitations. Sometimes we realize we want the things we want for the wrong reasons. But, I like to believe that if God is truly the center of my plan then I can’t go wrong. That whatever becomes of me and this life will be beyond my wildest dreams. And I like to believe that the same is true for Alfred.
